The thing is, everyone here is - to put it bluntly - an idiot. And not just in a typical action movie way: everyone is aggressively stupid and gleefully makes the wrong decision all the time. The movie wouldn't work - and surprisingly it often does work, though the constant excess is a bit excessive - if there was even one sensible character who stopped a moment to think before shouting some snarky quip or generic action line.
This would usually be a problem in a heist movie, a genre where audiences like to be surprised by smart twists and characters who know what they're doing. But this is a Michael Bay heist movie where everything is dialed up to 11; footage from a swooping drone doing barrel-rolls over central LA can hide a lot of problems when your script requires everyone to constantly screw up.
Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal) is presumably named Sharp to distract us from the fact he isn't. In fact, his entire multi-million dollar heist - which has to happen RIGHT NOW - relies on him bringing on board his brother Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), a man who has turned his back on crime and is actively opposed to returning to the world of crime both his father and brother occupy.
But of course Will does (this is America, so he needs the cash to pay for his wife's medical treatment), which is handy as he's an ex-solider with excellent combat driving skills... oh wait, he's not the getaway driver - some chump who panics, drives off, and runs over one of his buddies is.
And yes, the heist goes wrong, in large part because the LAPD's SIS unit - led by Captain Munroe (Garret Dillahunt) - knew they were coming. Of course, stopping them before the robbery would be too easy; as we're told multiple times, this unit "lays traps"... and then abandons them the second there's a problem.
Danny, Will, and sixteen million dollars manage to escape a closing net by hijacking an ambulance with EMT Cam Thompson (Eiza Gonzalez) inside. They only get out because there's a cop (shot by Will) in back being worked on, which introduces the only interesting subtext (it's the only subtext at all) to this film: cops are brutal murderous thugs.
Throughout the film Danny is constantly worried about the idea of killing a cop, because in this world - and, let's be honest, often in the real world - if you kill a cop, the cops will murder you the very first chance they get. Fortunately for fans of carnage, Ambulance also depicts all cops as complete idiots so desperate to apprehend a criminal they're constantly crashing cars into everything around them, including multiple clearly avoidable accidents that are obviously fatal for the car's occupants.
On screen LA is often presented as a melting pot where everyone has a story, and so it proves here. Even supporting characters get a scene or moment to display their one character-defining trait. Munroe drives around in a tiny car with a giant dog; Cam is a former speed addict who doesn't do emotional connection; there's a FBI bank robbery expert (with a connection to Danny) who asks "do we have to pay for the stupid questions?" during his marriage counseling.
Not that we're expected to care about any of these people; even Will's "good guy in over his head" arc is muddled (he just keeps on shooting people). The real focus in this 136 minute movie is the 100 minutes or so of car chase through LA, though most of the time it's more that the ambulance drives around while the cops merely follow.
It's definitely entertaining in a shouty way, but while there's always something happening - removing a spleen, dodging snipers, singing along to Christopher Cross - it almost always feels like the same thing.
Even the moments that should be a diversion from the main action are presented at the same extreme pitch. Bay doesn't trust any other part of this film (not even Gyllenhaal in motor-mouth mode) to keep us watching, so he keeps the camera moving and the explosions coming until everything blurs together and having a bunch of cops shooting at a clearly remote controlled car because they believe the manikin in the drivers seat is a real person is just another part of an average LA day.
- Anthony Morris
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