Review: Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey is the kind of film that's usually described as "a chance to catch up with your favourite characters". One problem: I've never watched the television show this movie is based on. Turns out, that was actually a plus: being aimed entirely at fans, this film had zero interest in explaining who anyone was or what their relationships were to everyone else, which made it - on one level at least - a lot more realistic to watch. These were people in the middle of living their lives, not characters that required clumsy exposition to manouver them into a place where the story could begin.

Also; not a lot of story here. The year is 1927, which realistically is about as late as it could be and still be a fairy tale setting; the Great Depression is still a year or two away, the grim 30s come after that and then there's a war and a Labour government who'll establish death duties directly designed to financially cripple these toffs. But for now, the good times are still rolling along, and who's that on the horizon? Why, it's King George and company, announcing they'll be stopping off for the night as part of a regional tour designed to forestall revolution... uh, I mean, visit their subjects.

As much of this extremely lightweight but reasonably entertaining film exists merely to let you know that various characters are still alive, the numerous subplots are extremely basic: one of the well-off sisters is worried about running the estate but eventually decides to muddle on; one of the servants is doubtful about her engagement but then reaffirms her love once she realises her husband-to-be is a mindlessly violent thug who wants to smash things when he doesn't get his way (THIS IS NOT A JOKE). As long as everything looks fabulous, who cares? And things definitely do look fab: the dresses alone pretty much justify the existence of this film, and there are also some old cars puttering about. Sadly no biplanes, which does feel like an oversight.

Not knowing anyone meant that I had no idea who I was meant to care about, but eventually I latched onto Tom Branson (Allen Leech), a Irish car salesman who I worked out was once married to someone once well-off but now dead and who seemed remarkably fine with having their child brought up by the toffs away from him (the kids get maybe one and a half moments in the film, and even then they're observed from a distance being tended to by nannies; their parents are really going to feel bad when the kids grow up as complete strangers and then die fighting Hitler).

Anyway, Tom was great, being loved by both Royals and people wanting to kill Royals, wandering around dispensing advice that basically boiled down to "it's best to just put up with shit". Which I guess is fair enough when you've already married one wealthy stunner and look likely to end up hooking up with another, but it still seems a bit crap as advice to give to someone trapped in a loveless marriage or wanting to smash the British Empire, which after all did invent the concentration camp and were the first people to use poison gas on civilians. Still, the king can ride a horse, which is pretty impressive at his age.

The closest this gets to being about anything is when a gay character stumbles into a roaring 20s gay bar - well, gay barn - which is then promptly raided by the police, who are surprisingly non-violent but presumably this being the UK they're well aware of the possibility of snagging a royal or two by mistake. Even this is relatively quickly sorted out and the whole thing ends on a "maybe they'll accept us one day" note, which is nice enough but seems a bit odd for a movie that otherwise is entirely about the naked desire to thwart all forms of social progress so well-off toffs can continue to hold fancy balls indefinitely.

Also, Maggie Smith never tells a servant to "get fucked", which was a personal dissapointment.

- Anthony Morris